All-Powerful Psycho Hairdressers


The temperature crept above freezing ’round these parts over the last couple days. Naturally, that translates to: cut off all your hair. Well, not all of it, but enough to regret the move if the frost returns. Ahhh, but such impulses maketh me happy.

I picked a good time to hit the walk-in salon. 2 stylists + 0 customers = no waiting.

However, the joint was quiet. So, obviously, it became my personal mission to entertain the tri-toned coiffured ladies. My hair-cuttin’ girl kicked things off with the old standby, “So, do you have any plans for the evening?” We chatted a bit about taxes and other mundane things, then the buzz of the trimmers filled the air again. The snip-snip of the scissors got my mind cranking, and I suddenly found myself writing a story about this pair of everyday Hair Technicians in their facade-of-a-salon.

Ahhh, but I couldn’t do that all alone. I needed to entertain them. Also, I needed their help. So I pitched the rough-shod inkling of an idea that was secretly sprouting in my brainmeat.

“I write, and I’m totally brainstorming some ideas about you two right now.”

The scissors stopped snipping. Highly tweezed eyebrows arched in the reflection.

“Y’all help me out. Let’s pretend this whole salon thing is just a front. You’re really like super-powerful beings, and these are merely your public personas. What special powers or crazy-ass gifts would a stylist possess and have to hide from the unsuspecting clients?”

Now, the whole scenario could have arced out in a lot of different ways: scissors driven deeply into my neck because I guessed their secret, wary stiff-arm clipping resulting in the worst haircut ever, a call for the strip-mall security to swing by and haul the weird writer out of there. But, the bored hair-artists perked up and played along. We laughed and dreamed up ridiculously fantastical alter-egos for the two of them. We cast the “weird dude that comes in for a haircut every week” as the evil nemesis who is trying to thwart the uber-stylists’ plans for world domination.

Other characters developed based on Mikki & Tabitha’s peeves when it comes to clients. Moms who let their unruly, feral kids flail and roll all over the salon. Moms who get all up in their business and scissor-block while the ladies are trying to cut their little darlings’ hair. Creepy, old perverted dudes who tell dirty jokes and move their hands a little too much beneath their covering smocks.

All-in-all, the most entertaining haircut I’ve ever received. Not too shabby an experience for the ladies either.

Now, I doubt I’ll ever write the story we dreamed up. But, it was great fun to have M & T to shuck off their boredom and play along for a bit. Also, I got an amazing early-Spring hairdo. Thanks, Mikki. I won’t tell a soul about the truly wicked power hidden inside your unassuming, cosmetologist hands.

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