Category Archives: Publishing

Poetry – Recent Publications

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20161213_125927

Rusty Manhole Cover at a Nearby College

I won’t even tell you how many rejections I’ve received for my poetry.
But, see, I keep writing, learning & submitting.

Every now & then a lit journal sees what I think I see in my poems.
A couple of my accepted pieces have gone live in the last month.
[There’s even an audio version of me reading one.]

Check ’em out:

Graveyard Shifted No 20190108 published in River, River

Brown Silk published in Toe Good

& should you be so inclined, you can pick up a print copy of Flying South #4
which includes my poem, Grandmama’s Ghost Stories.

I’ve been a little resistant to putting pieces on here. That counts as “publication” to some journals, so I can’t submit them. But I’ve got a lot of backlogged pieces. I’m ever-so-slowly leaning towards posting some poems right here on my own site.

I’d love to check out your poetry, too. Got a link? Drop it in the comments.

 

 

Querying – Savvy Little Tip?

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I sure do like some spreadsheets and charts

I’ve queried four manuscripts. As my craft developed, my stories moved closer towards marketable, and my aptitude for the actual querying process grew, the request rates slowly climbed.
1st queried manuscript = 2%
2nd queried manuscript = 3%
3rd queried manuscript = 7%
4th queried manuscript = 32% (so far)

That’s an unbelievable increase on the 4th one, like, BOOM. Even now, I’m floored by it.

The core of what writers must do is (we know, we know, we know) craft an amazing story. Solid hook. Identifiable conflict. Unique voice. Unforgettable characters. Consistent worldbuilding. Tight dialogue. Emotional resonance. [Insert a seemingly million other requirements here]. The writing has to be not just strong, but irresistible. And, let’s be honest, the story needs to possess the promise of $cha-ching$ flowing silently beneath the words.

The writing is the most important part, but it’s far from the only element we have to master. And every separate skillset only comes with practice. You know: effort, rejection, frustration, painfully starting over with a fresh manuscript, bringing the scars and callouses and wisdom into the process the next time. Trying again.

This time around, when preparing to query, I became conscious of something I’d been aware of, but never purposefully honed in on—the most common sample lengths agents ask for.
– 5 pages
– 10 pages
– 1 chapter
– 3 chapters
– 50 pages

This little lightbulb went off. Towards the end of my revisions, I focused on making sure those breaking points were loaded with as much tension as the narrative allowed at that point in the story. My goal: to (hopefully) leave the agent thirsty at the end of the sample, to spark that desire to request more pages. Which is the point.

We know to do this at chapter endings. But check this:

When querying, we need to treat the end of each of those sample lengths the same way we would a chapter ending.

For what they’re worth without context, examples of my breaking points:

5 pages

I sighed, and she pulled me closer to stain my cheek with what was left of her cherry-red lipstick.

“Katers demands I hang out with her tonight,” I said, pulling away. “She’ll tell me if I need to quasi-freak-out over this unholy union or totally Astro-freak-out.”

Olivia nudged me from behind, jangling my keys.

Gma pointed at me. “Check in with your daddy first.”

10 pages

I pretend-counted on my fingers. “If we’re including wicked stepsisters, crazy stalkers, and secret boyfriends, then that’s, oh, I’d say, four-point-five. Ish.”

Katers rushed towards me and grabbed my sleeves. “Boyfriend? Why is this the first your supposed best friend in all of creation is hearing about this love connection?”

Love. Ha.

1 chapter

The shadow in the greenhouse shrank to normal size, then the light went out. I grabbed my suitcase and rushed to the house, inside, up the stairs, and into the dark bedroom designated as mine. I peeked through the curtains. Axel Chicory, formerly known as Daddy, looked so inconsequential, a lone silhouette crossing the big lawn.

The New Moon floated directly above him, but its magic had already run its course.

I let the curtains fall closed between us, then locked my bedroom door.

3 chapters

Setting my journal in the grass, I focused on the other book. Plain, black cover. Not the unnamable blue-black of the night sky. Truly boring black. I hooked my finger under the cover’s edge, half-expecting the wind to pick up or a meteorite to land in the orchard when I opened it.

But nothing happened.

So I turned the first blank page.

And then another.

Until I found words.

This journal belongs to:
PIPPOPOTAMUS

I jettisoned the book and jumped up, smacking at my bare legs where the blasted thing touched them.

50 pages

The Heart of Joven.

Gpa had the young whiz-kid architect design the house around it. Ten sycamores planted by my Great-Gma decades earlier. Her hands began the grafting, and Gpa’s continued shaping it when she joined the stars. Axel and I had even touched and whispered to it. Four generations of the Chicory family recorded in the growth rings of a single being who had outlived two generations already.

The third was too busy to love on the tree. The fourth was too scared of screwing it up. Also, too wounded by the mere sight of it to look at it a nanosecond longer.

Among the million things we need to nail as writers-seeking-to-become-traditionally-pubbed-authors, this little piece is a secret weapon. I mean, it’s not a magic bullet. Nothing is. But it’s the savvy thing to do, a special tool to add to the toolbox we’re slowly filling. I believe it played a part—even if a small one—in that ridiculously unbelievable request rate. (Still reeling!)

We all need every hint, trick, key, and password we can get our hands on. Yes? I hope this one maybe helps you.

Invisible Ink! Yesss this manuscript garnered A LOT of requests in its 5 weeks in the trenches. And, maybe, perhaps, it has even gone beyond simple requests. 😉 Pretttty sure there will be another EXCITING post late next week…

Querying In A Surreal Sort Of Way

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lanscape

Something strange & beautiful has happened.

A lot of you, who know I’m “agented”, have asked about recent events & whatnot. And, I assume, agents could be swinging by to do a bit of sleuthing. *proffers tray of hors d’oeuvres* *uncorks wine*

Maybe we should start here: Publishing is a quirky kind of land. No two authors’ journeys are the same. There are certain boundaries & cornerstones, but there’s a lot of room to dance & frolic inside those borders.

As succinctly as I can explain where I’m at right now:
– The amazing Louise Fury is continuing to represent and submit my novel, Phreak Show.
– With her blessing (and a glowing reference upon request!) I’m seeking representation for If Found Return to Astropop & future manuscripts.

Weird, right? Maybe? Idk, it feels right for me & my stories & writing career.

It’s not a development I ever dreamed of happening. At the same time, it feels completely natural. I mean, this is the experience I’m experiencing, which makes it perfect & exciting. So here I am wandering through this magically surreal land where I’m on sub but also back in the query trenches. Strange indeed!

What I’m finding is, man, I’ve learned a lot of stuff (desperately want forward momentum, but there’s serenity in the process.

I’ve always been a fan of the unconventional. I’m a risk taker when it counts and rarely regret following my intuition. And I feel strongly that now is the time to find a champion for Astro & future books in the same vein. (There may be a recent post nearby about this exact thing…)

So, yes, I’m querying again. And the initial response to those first queries has been overwhelmingly positive. (Mindbogglingly so!) Exactly as I hoped for & believed. We’ll see how things play out. I must confess, I’m already imagining the amazing story this is going to make—one I’ll share at future conferences, etc. 😀

If anyone with a vested interest is curious about the details, please ask. And seriously, agents, Louise is approachable for agent-to-agent conversations. (And, for the record, I’m A-OKAY with you reaching out to me if Astropop’s premise interests you. https://lucashargis.com/if-found-return-to-astropop/ *winks forever*)

LET’S DO THIS

*skips across Publishing’s beautiful, bizarro landscape*

Formatting Tips for Writers – Chapter Breaks

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Word formatting 4

I wear a ridiculous number of hats. [More metaphorically than in actuality, because I love my hair. I kinda treat it as living art.] One feather in one of those symbolic caps is this: I’m MS Certified in Word & Excel. Like, a certificate and everything.

Often, I see questions tossed out on Twitter: HELP! Does anyone know how to [insert formatting issue here]??? Also, when I CP, I find really strange formatting things going on and I’m all like: ZOMG this is a pain in the ass how do you even deal with this madness ahhhh let me help you please please I beg you no really I don’t mind please.

So, I figured, why not share a bit of the knowledge hinted at by that little certificate? Thus, as long as you loverly readers are interested & gaining golden info, I’m gonna do a series of  Formatting Tips for Writers.

I use MS Word 2010. If you have a different version, or your toolbars are set up differently, feel free to comment below or hit me up on Twitter [@LucasMight] and I’ll gladly walk you through how to format with your specific setup.

Today: Inserting chapter breaks [with a delicious, free-of-charge side-dish of Chapter Navigation]. And if you already have a manuscript, you can easily go back in and apply these steps retroactively.

Step 1 – Choose a Heading Style: When you begin each chapter, select a Heading Style. [I choose Heading 1, then change the color to black.] Type your chapter title. Once you hit enter, the style will automatically revert to your default font style.

Word formatting 3

Step 2 – Insert a Chapter Break: Type your awesome words. After the last sentence of the chapter, hold down [Ctrl] as you hit [Enter]. This will insert a Page Break so your new chapter begins at the top of it’s own page. Even after you revise, add or remove words, it will forever stay where it should.

Step 3 – Use the Navigation Pane: Let’s fast forward. You have chapters with perfect page breaks. By using the Header Style, you also have another tool at your disposal. On the VIEW tab at the top, click the Navigation Pane checkbox. A list of chapters appears as a left-hand sidebar. This makes hunting down and navigating your chapters during revision/editing so fantastically easy. If you ever want it out of the way, simply uncheck the box.

Word formatting 2

There are a ton of tips and topics I’ve seen other cry for help on, or that make my drafting, revising, CP’ing, etc so much easier. The functions are there, and I’d love to put that damn certificate to good use by passing the wisdom on.

Do you have formatting questions?
Word issues that give you headaches & keep you from actually writing?
Things that MUST have an easier way to accomplish?

Let me know via comments or Twitter. MS Certified Lucas at your service.
:: tips hat ::

What Are the Chances of a Book Becoming a Movie?

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theatre

Confession: I have imagined my novel as a movie.

Now, don’t leave me standing here all alone, kiddos… This is pretty much a prerequisite for writers, right? Don’t blush or try to deny it. I’ve seen your Tweets. And your Pinterest boards. We’ve had conversations. You’re as guilty as I am.

I’m an extremely visual dude. When I write, the scenes play in my mind like a movie. I direct the characters in a sense, but the buggers improv A LOT.

Okay, eff it, I’ll even admit this: my friends and I sit around dream-casting my Phreak Show characters. And a few of you have even volunteered [okay…demanded] to help out on the casting call for Niko. Your amorous intentions are duly noted. [And he’s flashing his crooked smile at you right now.]

Yesterday, a non-writer friend I haven’t spoken to in a while checked in. Curious about where Phreak Show is in the process, the convo went something like this:

Dude: So what’s going on with your book deal?
Me: Not to that part of the process yet. Finishing edits with my agent and then we’ll move to the next stage.
Dude: Awesome! When do you get the book tour and 3 movie deal?
Me: [internal cackling] It’s super rare for books to actually become movies.
Dude: Then how are all these books becoming movies all of a sudden?
Me: [internal sigh] The % of books being made into movies is probably, like, 2%. Max.
Dude: Well those 2% are really getting lucky these days.
Me: [reminds self dude is a rube] No more than usual, I don’t think. And that still leaves 98% of authors dreaming about their books becoming movies, but it never happens.
Dude: Ahhhh, I see.

This kind of conversation happens all the time. So, obviously, we writers aren’t alone. It seems most folks naturally have this ingrained perception that book = movie. So I started wondering how close my random estimate of 2% really is. Enter: THE MAGIC OF GOOGLE

I submit for your enjoyment and education, the interesting [and perhaps sobering] info I stumbled upon.

First off, some hard-awesome checkpoints we can all keep in mind when writing our next novel or assessing existing ones. John Robert Marlow offers this list of:

10 things Hollywood looks for in any story:

  1. Cinematic concept that can be communicated in ten seconds
  2. Hero that a large segment of the movie-going public can relate to
  3. Strong visual potential
  4. Three-act structure
  5. Two-hour limit
  6. Reasonable budget
  7. Low fat (no unnecessary scenes)
  8. Franchise potential
  9. Four-quadrant (young and old, male and female) appeal
  10. Merchandising potential.

http://andyrossagency.wordpress.com/2011/01/02/books-into-movies-everything-you-need-to-know-almost-part-1/

This first stat sounds really promising. It’s estimated that:

85% of all movies are adapted from books

http://www.kgbanswers.com/what-percentage-of-all-movies-made-in-the-usa-are-based-on-books/22949183

But how many books does that translate to? This poster doesn’t cite a source, so the accuracy is suspect, but states:

In 2006, over 50 books were made into movies

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_percentage_of_movies_are_made_from_books?#slide=2

I have no idea how accurate this stat for 2014 is either. I found numbers ranging from 10 to 35, but CNN reports these as “all the books becoming movies in 2014”:

2014 [estimate #1]: 12 book to film adaptions for 2014

http://www.cnn.com/2014/01/31/showbiz/movies/books-to-movies/

2014 [estimate #2]: 35 book to film adaptations for 2014

http://www.buzzsugar.com/2014-Movies-Based-Books-30889382#photo-33260882

So how does a book ascend to the coveted heights of filmdom? This great behind-the-scenes mechanics post explains:

Books are almost always optioned, not bought outright

http://andyrossagency.wordpress.com/2011/01/04/books-into-movies-everything-you-need-to-know-part-2/

But even if a book is optioned, there’s still no promise our friends, family, and fans can check out our stories on the big screen. Author Joseph Finder says:

Maybe as many as 90% of optioned/sold movies never get made.

http://www.josephfinder.com/blog/201101/26/how-a-book-becomes-a-movie-revisiting-high-crimes

And if you scroll down to Lesson 28 in this post, you’ll find this statement putting that estimated percentage even higher:

Thousands of books are optioned every year, but 98% will never be made into films

http://www.ian-irvine.com/publishing.html

Using IMDB & U.S. Census Bureau stats, this random gent [quite non-scientifically] calculates:

Only 1.77343% of books become movies or TV series

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100818233541AA29WXH

Feels like a snowball’s chance, right? But, hey, we can’t resist hoping. Perhaps the most important thing in this entire post is something you already know:

Writers are dreamers.

That’s part of the how and the why we create characters, build worlds, and invent delicious plots in the first place. Our dreams refuse to die.

I guess, at our core, writers are optimists. And, for those of us who are really optimistic, we don’t stop at just dreaming. We finish manuscripts. We revise the hell out of them. We send query after query until an agent falls madly in love with our words. We revise again. Even when it hurts. We suffer with impatience during the submission process. We revise those words again with an editor. We do all these things because we are ridiculously optimistic.

We hope. And we dream.

So, honestly, we can’t stop dreaming about our books becoming movies. Even if we try uber-hard. It’s just not who we are as a species. And as long as our expectations are realistic, it doesn’t hurt a thing.

Besides, being dreamers, we always have that 2% or 1.77343% to hang on to. Even if the true number is only .00001% of books becoming movies, that’s more than enough to birth a dream inside us.

Q: What are the chances of your book becoming a movie?
A: Are you a dreamer or aren’t you?

[FTR, my answer to the question-posing-as-an-answer is: Incurably so.]

—

This vid inserted thanks to the genius inspiration from @EsherHogan

OFFER OF REP! (and why, this time, I said yes)

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The Phortune Cookie

The Phortune Cookie’s Phortune

UPDATE 4/6/15 – The story below is an amazing one! For an update on my current agent status, this post will help clarify: https://lucashargis.com/2015/04/03/querying-in-a-surreal-sort-of-way/ And please feel free to contact me if further clarification is needed.

Do you have beliefs you don’t really commit to, yet can’t really rule out as false? As in: I don’t know…aliens & ghosts & magic & sasquatches & such might be real…I’m not totally convinced, but I’m fine to not pass judgment either way. Well, I feel that way about a lot of things. [Post-modern? Trait of Gen X? Whatever.]  One such ?belief? is the concept of phate. And separate from that idea, I definitely believe in synchronicity—a kind of interconnectedness that can’t be explained by empirical or scientific means. This story is filled with [eph it! I’ll say it!] hints of magic & phate & synchronicity. Like, I Skype-interviewed one of my agent’s clients about fire-breathing for some scenes in Phreak Show. And, FTR, that was before @ChristinaFerko was her client. And there was this day where this agent rejected offering me rep, only to have a phortune cookie reignite her love for the phreaks, ping her with regret, and cause this cool phoenix-from-the-ashes thing to happen. Then there was a bottle of nail polish. One of the agent’s assistants ordered a blind grab-bag of nail polishes from her favorite website. When it arrived, she eagerly unwrapped the polishes to check out her goodies. One of the polishes is pictured below. She emailed her agent-boss immediately and said: “I don’t know if you made your decision already, but if you didn’t, I think the universe is trying to tell us something… ”

Nail polish

“Freak Show” nail polish
[Obviously, they spelled it wrong]

FLASHBACK: I drafted PHREAK SHOW,  my third novel, during last year’s NaNoWriMo. Before the manuscript was fully edited & ready for querying, I created a page for it on this blog. Well, on January 9th of this year, an agent stopped by and left this comment:

This sounds great. One of my interns sent me this link. Please keep me in mind when your manuscript is polished and you are ready to submit to agents. ~Louise Fury

You can imagine the ridiculousness that popped and sparked inside me. (Yes?) AN AGENT COMMENTED ON MY BLOG! SHE approached ME about my premise! AND SHE’S ON MY SHORTLIST, BUT CLOSED TO SUBMISSIONS. HOLY $^*$%@<%^%?%$@#&&^*#+=?^&&!!! CRAP. NOW I NEED TO FINISH THESE EDITS. I’m an organized dude with color-coded spreadsheets, timelines of queries and all agent contact, feedback, and whatnot. I could lay out a twisting roadmap of every single email, phone conversation, DM, revision step, length of waiting between interactions, etc. But I’ll spare you, and condense it all down to a few, key elements. And what I hope you’ll take away from this is the diligence, persistence, and patience involved. – 1/9/13 – Blog comment expressing interest – 3/17/13 – Query – 3/18/13 – 5 chapter request – 3/22/13 – Full request – 4/6/13 – Phone call [But not THE call. Damn it.] – 4/11/13 – Submitted R&R #1 – 4/12/13 through 9/9/13 – Sporadic conversation, chat via email. ~~~w.a.i.t.i.n.g.~~~ – 9/19/13 – Sent email alerting to an Offer of Rep [Note: 6 months after Full sent] – 9/28/13 – MORNING: Declined to offer [And I wish I could post this whole email for you. Because awesome.] – 9/28/13 – EVENING: The Great Twitter Phortune Cookie Phreak Out Phenomenon of 2013. Followed by a series of DMs. – 10/12/13 – DM “The cookie has spoken. Let’s talk.” – 10/13/13 – Phone call. [REALLY! AGAIN!? NO OFFER!? ANOTHER MINOR R&R!? Fine, but this is my last one. I’m done after  this if there’s no offer. PUT A RING ON IT!] – 10/13/13 – 10/16/13 – Worked my ass off on rewrites of Chapter 1: CP’s, betas, the whole deal. [Thank you, people!] – 10/16/13 – Submitted R&R #2. This one was all or nothing. Phingers crossed. – 11/2/13 – A nudge… – 12/3/13 – Another nudge… And a response! “I am glad you emailed. Let’s talk today and wrap this up?” Now, I had no idea which way this “wrap up” would twist around me. But, honestly, I was straight chuffed to finally have some sort of closure either way. This process turned into a long, emotional one, and there were moments where the pendulum swung from  I HATE FURY! to OMG, I LOVE HER! with a lot of WHY THE HELL IS IT TAKING SO LONG? in between. There were multiple times when friends and loved ones talked me down from the cliff, kept me sane, prevented me from: nudging too soon (or too often), venting online, or sending some sort of ultimatum email I’d regret. Patience (damn the blasted thing) was key. Hard, but essential. Obviously, you know how it wrapped up. This past Monday, 12/3/13, Louise Fury, Phreak Show’s agent, phinally put a ring on it. But I still need to answer the why part of why I chose to accept. Because Louise loves the phreaks, their story, my words. She gets it. (And, I believe, she gets me.) She also has a vision for the phreaks—one that’s gonna suck like mad to bring about, but is going to end with Phreak Show being the best it can possibly be. I love her today. I might hate her in a month. And she might hate me back. But then we’ll circle back around, and look at our rings, and be all like: Awww! We made it! Look at our Phreaky baby on a shelf, in the hearts and hands of readers, which is the whole point. I said “yes”, because I believe Phury, her amazing team, and I share a common love for the phreaks and can work together to share their story with the world. And, come on! Synchronicity involving phire-breathing clients, a phortune cookie, and nail polish!?!? I’m pretty sure that’s, like, magic or some shit.

How Hot Is Too Hot?

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Man on fire 1

I like hot stuff. On a scale of vanilla to battery acid, I prefer food heat levels somewhere in the radiator vicinity.

A fear years ago while travelling down in Louisiana, my companion and I selected a loverly little spot to grub on some ribs. The waiter took our order, including what kind of sauce we wanted the ribs soaked in.

I sat up straighter, pushed my shoulders back, and looked him dead in the eyes. “Hot. Like, super hot.”

“As hot as you’ve got,” my companion added.

“The Inferno’s the hottest we suggest.” His top lip quirked up. “But we do have a sauce that’s not on the menu: Petey’s Insane in the Membrane Melt Your Face Off Sauce.”

Challenge.accepted.

Mr. Waiter warned us. He tried to talk us out of slathering it on the ribs, and offered to bring a cup of Petey’s on the side. Helz naw! We were living the life. If we were gonna go hot, we were gonna go hot.

My companion & I tucked in our napkins. Kerosene fumes assaulted our noses as we closed in on the flammable meat. Eyes locked, we took our first experimental bites. The sting was immediate. We chewed, eyes watering, sweat erupting on our cheeks, not even pretending like the agony was worth it. Then the liquid lava kicked in. Holy hell was it insane. In our membranes, our tongues, teeth, tonsils, our very souls. We cried, coughed and chewed, somehow choked down the first napalm chunks.

And then our faces melted off.

Bread didn’t help. Drinking tea was like tossing water on a grease fire. We scraped our lips and tongue with our napkins—to no avail. Once the feeling returned to our limbs, we squeegeed the ribs with knives and napkins in an effort to strip off the incendiary barbecue paint. Damn that sadistic Petey and his murderous sauce!

Last week, I posted about a personal experience with an offer of rep and the reasons I declined. Going into the drafting of that post, I definitely weighed the risk of sharing it with the world. Sure, I could have kept it all tucked in, buried in the shadows, vaguely hinted at, or completely cloaked from interweb eyes. But I had a burning in my gut; sharing the experience would help others. This wasn’t just about me. And, perhaps, by openly sharing my experience, reasoning, and process, other querying writers might pause, and breathe, and assess an offer of rep not just with emotion, but also with tempered wisdom.

I know too many amazing writers who jumped at their first offer, only to regret that quick decision later.

So, tiptoeing onto the tightrope, I sought a way to share my story, while giving enough specifics to be genuine, but not too many that I’d tip over into unprofessional. I sought to be truthful, to speak with candor, while only naming one party—myself. Personally, I believe I stayed on the tightrope.

The positive response was overwhelming. Something in my words obviously struck a chord. My personal favorite DM: You’ve got balls of steel, man. Kudos. An agent took the time to send me an encouraging email regarding the post. Folks engaged in active conversation about the topic. Which is to say: this hush-hush thing was laid out on the table where everyone could see, poke, and discuss it.

As in all public things, which are open for judgment, my post received a few tsk tsk tsks.

My thoughts?
– Opacity helps no one.
– Transparency can actually hurt the sharer.
– But a Translucency exists between those two extremes.

And you know how random synergy seems to pulse through the writing community? [Eerie that…] Parallel conversations on complimentary topics cropped up. Things like a Twitter convo about how much is too much to share regarding rejections. And, in another synergistic moment, Oversharing was the focus of the loverly Fizzy’s post from earlier this week. And scroll back to @millercallihan’s Twitter feed from Wednesday to see her thoughts & advice.

If this isn’t apparent yet, in every facet of my life, I burn white-hot: creative ventures, work, relationships, emotions, humor, opinions, writing. Passion sears through me and ignites everything and everyone within warming distance. Rarely does any of that go up in flames. Instead, my life glows with heat, and adventure, and love, and surprise, and beautifully insane randomocity.

I have no doubt that some believe I burn too hot at times.

But some things remain opaque. There are things I absolutely know NOT to share. Specifics and stats you will never, ever know. These are the sacred things, the things which are nobody’s business but my own, things which—by sharing—would be of no help to anyone else. These things, while they may still blaze and spit flames, remain safely caged behind the fireplace screen and out of the public eye.

I’m curious what you all think. Some things are an enigma to me. Like how querying writers, as a rule, shouldn’t publicly share stats on rejections, but as soon as that writer is repped, those stats are almost a requirement in the announcement post. I suppose it’s okay to share that once-taboo detail once you’ve crossed into the promised land?

So, how hot is too hot?
What are the things best left opaque?
What are some translucent areas you feel are left up to circumstance & personality?
Are there times when you’re actually scared to Tweet or post something, out of fear that it might sour an industry pro’s view of you or your work?
At what point does a writer/author’s transparency cross from Inferno into Melt Your face Off with Cringe?

FTR, I don’t have a problem with sharing rejection info—to a point. I’ve posted a few pie charts detailing the different yeses and nos in my querying process. But I chose to share percentages, not numbers. Another off-limits for me is naming specific agents or agencies. Super blasphemous. As is submissions & rejections to publishers once over on the other side of the river in the promised land. For what my opinion’s worth. 😉

OFFER OF REP! (and why I said no)

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guy kneeling crying

Please, put down the torches and pitchforks.

I know how that title sounds. I never, ever imagined I’d turn down an offer of rep from an agent. But I did. I had to. It was a difficult thing to do, but maybe not for the reasons you might think.

It all started with the most recent #PitMad event. The day job was busy sucking the life out of me, so, the night before, I scheduled a few Tweets to jump in and scrap with the thousands of others vying for attention in the stream. By the end of the day, I had two requests: one from a small pub & one from an agent. Right away I knew I wouldn’t submit to the publisher. Because, you see, I’ve made the personal decision that I want an agent fighting by my side, adding value, experience, and wisdom to this passionate dream of mine.

So that left me with an agent who wanted to see more than the (exactly) 140 characters: Tera joins the crazy-twisted Phreak Show where she must embrace the truth: being a freak isn’t about looks, it’s a frame of mind #PitMad YAF

I’d previously researched the agency *a little*. My mind couldn’t instantly dredge up any black-listed reasons not to submit. Plus: AN AGENT WANTS TO SEE MORE OF MY STORY! Once I got home, I hunted the sub guidelines and shipped off the query, synopsis & first 25 pages. I grabbed some dinner and nonchalantly strolled into my weekend.

5 days later, this arrived in my inbox:

I’m absolutely obsessed with this. Your concept looks really tight and the message is just awesome. I think there is something so real about this, but you are entertaining instead of didactic. I could go on and on, but suffice to say I’m fangirling : ) I would be delighted to give your full manuscript a read.

Of course I did a celebratory jig (a cross between Riverdance & walking on hot coals) & sent it right over. An agent. Fangirling over my words! And only then did I do the in-depth research I should have.

Uh-oh.

As this process progressed, a half dozen of my fellow writers, CPs, and an Assistant Agent friend all suited up & went into research-war with me. There were a lot of questions marks, which twisted into perplexities, which then flared into big, flaming red flags.

– Predators & Editors only noted: slow response time to queries. [Well, hell. That’s 75% of all queries I’ve ever sent…]
– No agents with the agency are members off AAR. [Okay, well I know of some top-notch agents who aren’t…]
– No clients listed on the agency website. [Okay. Wait. What? You’ve been in business for years…Your website is a basic (and easy) venue to champion your authors’ work. If you’re not showcasing your clients & their books on your own website, then what kind of marketing value are you really adding?]
– Twitter digging, following the rabbit down its hole, unearthed a few “clients”. [Hmmm…few and far between. The quality of the book covers look little better than something created in MS Paint. Are these self-pubbers? I smell fish.]
– Even though the agency (and its parent Talent agency) has been around for years: no sales listed. None. Anywhere. [Slow the eff down. Even if the agent (for whatever reason) chose not to post sales, then the Editor, or the even the author most likely would. Right? HOW CAN YOU BE IN BUSINESS FOR YEARS AND NOT HAVE ANY PUBLIC RECORD OF SALES?]

And as a few more red flags were firmly planted: that dead fish smell clung to me, my manuscript, my misconception that landing a full request is always a good thing.

THE NEXT DAY: My phone rings during my commute home. I don’t recognize the number. It’s the agent. I pull over. I whip out my notebook, access the mental database of all those questions & red flags in my head.

I absolutely LOVE this. Love.it. The aesthetic you created is perfect for this concept, perfect for YA. The quirkiness is really good; weird in a good way. Your characters are a BIG strength; they feel so real. The whole story felt really emotional without sacrificing plot. It’s so hard to balance characterization, worldbuilding and plot, and you did it beautifully. That’s evidence of a great writer.”

Lucas’ brain: She’s genuine. She reallymeans every word. Damn, those words feel good. Why, oh why, does this have to smell like a Red Lobster’s dumpster?

I’d like to offer you and your phenomenal book representation.

Lucas’s brain: Oh fuck does this suck. Hard.

I dig into my questions: carefully. I ask about the things giving me major pause (or, actually, damn-near a full-on stop). She answers. She’s super nice. Her personality is vibrant, cheery, and wonderful. We’d get along great outside of the whole agent-author relationship thingy. Oh yeah. That’s the whole point. A knowledgeable agent guiding me through the process, selling-the-hell-out-of-my-book, connecting with contacts I don’t have, championing my story, fighting alongside me to make this passionate dream of mine a reality.

I have other fulls out, so I need to nudge those agents and give them the opportunity to offer. A week ought to do. I ask for a copy of the agency’s contract to look over. I can text or email or call anytime with questions or concerns.

I’m torn. There’s no way I can accept this offer. But, at the same time, in an ooey gooey part of me, this is the call I’ve been working SO HARD to receive for years now. THIS EFFIN SUCKS.

If the red flags smelled fish-like, the contract is the bloody meat of every fish who ever died, piled on a shit-covered beach, rotting in the boiling hot sun while zombie skunks spray musk on the stinkbugs chewing on the eyeless corpses. You think I’m exaggerating. I’ve seen a few agency contracts, so I have comparison points. I work with contracts & legal docs in both my day job and in my own business. This contract isn’t for just this project, but basically for your creative soul. The Author’s Work is defined as:

“…all ideas, story materials, characters, situations, formats, and works of authorship which Author has created or creates during the term of this Agreement…”

That feels pretty all-encompassing. “Ideas” are included? And what’s with the “has created” phrase? The word “irrevocably” is used too many times throughout the contract. The clauses involving how the contract can be terminated revolve around a very specific period in time; not just with 30 days written notice, which seems to be the standard. With each new work, the contract auto-renews & resets the clock & the termination clause. The continuation of residual commissions is scary when combined with the agreement’s definition of the Author’s Work. If things weren’t fishy before, this contract alone would have been enough to lead me to a no.

My deadline for getting back to this agent arrives. My gut wrenches as I dial the number. And I’ve heard agents say this before: rejections suck no matter which side of the conversation you are on. This isn’t true with queries or partials, I’m sure. Probably not even with a lot of fulls. But here, with an offer of rep before me, knowing and believing that (despite all the salmon) this agent truly & genuinely loves my work, I feel so awful saying no. And not for my sake. Not because I feel like I’m losing something, but because this agent feels so strongly for my manuscript. My heart hurts because she has expectation and hope. And I’m the one dashing it against the stones.

It bites when agents give you a generic rejection, which leaves you wondering But, really, WHY? It’s harder this way (on me), but I’m super-honest and straightforward with her on the reasons why I am declining her offer. She is gracious, but sadness tinges her voice.

I received an offer of rep. And yet, I had to reject it.

But the story doesn’t end there. Since I rejected that offer, I expanded the deadline: for reasons. Baited hooks still dangle in the sparkling water, with the possibility of reeling in an agent with the passion, experience, and wisdom worthy of a yes. It may or may not happen this round. I’ll keep you posted. Thankfully, there are fish in that wide, open sea who don’t smell fishy at all.

The Ugliest Mona Lisa I’ve Ever Seen

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mona lisa - ral

You know this lady.

Her name’s Mona. You can call her Mo for short. She’s kind of iconic.

She’s here today to help me illustrate this *thing* I’m going through which relates to the world of writing. No, it’s not about visualizing characters, painting a story landscape, or any such helpful advice from a novice. Sorry about that. There are plenty of other blogs with unpublished writers giving profound & sage wisdom…

The topic this blogger is tackling today is: [Well, shit, I can’t really sum it up in a single word. This isn’t Twitter; it’s a post. So eff it, I can ramble if I like.]

Let’s go with this freeform string of thoughts: I have multiple fulls out with agents, which have been out for a while. I recently nudged on one & the agent confessed that she hadn’t gotten to it yet. Cool. No big deal. Another one is past the 10 week mark, at which point I would normally nudge, but I have not because of [keep reading]. The third is in this nerve-wracking, string-a-long sort of web which doesn’t seem to have an end. I am hopeful that it will turn into an offer, but the more pages of the calendar I rip off, the less that feels like reality. So, I have just kind of turned off my wishfulness on this matter until such time as it needs to be either revived, or incinerated.

After all that, I guess what I’m trying to say is: I don’t like to feel like I’m begging.

To be candid, I totally get that agents are busy, clients come first, I’m swamped, it’s conference season–all that. And writers are always labeled “impatient”. “This is a slow process,” we tell each other. Agents say it, too. Yet, still, are we really impatient? 2 months? 4 months? 6 months? 12 months? How long is too long to wait to hear back on a full request? An R&R? At what point has the timing passed beyond simple impatience on the part of the writer?

What it boils down to is that I want an agent to *LOVE* my work. Like, SHAZAAAAM! BAM! YES I WANT IT GIVE IT TO ME RIGHT EFFIN NOW I CAN’T WAIT TO START WORKING WITH YOU AND GET THIS THING SUB-READY BECAUSE AWESOME IN MY FACE AND OMG HAVE YOU SIGNED THE AGENCY CONTRACT YET OR WHAT BECAUSE AHHHHHHH????!!!!!

Instead, thus far, I have felt less like Phreak Show is the real Mona Lisa, and that perhaps it is more like this:

mona lisa - bad

 

And, yes, my loverly invisible ink finders. I KNOW that Phreak Show looks/reads nothing like that horrid ol’ fake. I’m just sayin’ I want that acceptance, that go-get-it agent who believes in me & my story so much that s/he can’t get hold of it fast enough. A dream? Perhaps. But my life has been built on dreams such as this. And damn it, I’m not done believing in magick.