I’m Just a Bill

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I am quite thrilled to say that the agent/publisher response to my third novel, FREEBORN, has been far and away better than for my first two novels. That tells me I am learning more of what it takes to grab and hold their attention through pitching and actual writing craft.

That last statement sounds like agents & publishers are my market, my audience. They are not. The buying public is.

But agents are pivotal in the process of getting my words to that market. Agents are partners and advocates. They’re often called gatekeepers–those who hold the keys to the magic portal through which a manuscript must pass in order to become a book. (I’ve noticed some agents don’t like that term for some reason???)

That thought dredges up a random song from the depths of my lyric-infested head. An old Schoolhouse Rock tune. Sing its catchy educational glory with me.

I’m just a bill.
Yes, I’m only a bill.
And I’m sitting here on Capitol Hill.
Well, it’s a long, long journey
To the capital city.
It’s a long, long wait
While I’m sitting in committee,
But I know I’ll be a law someday
At least I hope and pray that I will,
But today I am still just a bill.

In this sense, I suppose agents are a lot like Congress. My manuscript will remain just a bill until an agent decides it is worthy to become a law.

Since I’m having more fun than you can imagine with this analogy…I suppose that would make the head of each agency the Senate. Even if Congresswoman Agent likes my manuscript, she will have to pass it through Senator Agency Head for a second approval. If all is a go, then my lowly manuscript will be on its way to becoming a full-fledged book.

It’s a long, long wait while I’m sitting in committee.

Then there is President Publisher towering over the paperwork with a veto stamp in hand. My poor little bill can get rubber-stamped, kicked back, and remain an unrealized idea. Damn bureaucracy!

Like Bill, I’m sitting here on Capitol Hill.

I know I’ll be an author someday
At least I hope and pray that I will,
But today I am still just a bill.

 

With complete contrition for getting this song stuck in your head for at least a day, here is the YouTube link to help you dig out the earworm.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7266360872513258185

Be sure to check out all the Grammar Rock subgenre of videos, too. Chalk it up as “an online writing course”.

What is it about Schoolhouse Rock? I just dig it. Yes, part of it is the artwork, but mainly it’s the songs. Let me tell you about one of my favorite musicians. Mike Doughty. He is solo now, but I was initially introduced to him when his old band Soul Coughing opened for Dave Matthews waaaaay back there in the past. My frinds hate him: his voice, anunciation, music–all of it. Too bad. Suck it up. BTW, he has a remake of Schoolhouse Rock’s “Three is a Magic Number”. When I’m feeling capricious, I can put that song on and just watch the shoulders tense as eyes roll with disdain in there sockets. Not that I would ever be capricious…

Agents: How to Cut Your Slush Piles in Half

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Maybe the title is a tad hyperbolic. Nevertheless, there is a useable nugget of truth here. I promise.
 
Sometimes, a writer has to take a chance on a query letter. I have tried a few things–nothing outlandish–but perhaps a little out of the tried-and-true norm. I know, I know. Gimmicks are almost always an instant turn off. I haven’t used dancing baby videos or written a query as though one of my characters was doing the pitching.  Confession: after a conversation regarding what makes Freeborn unique, I did use this subject line for a few queries:
 
Query – FREEBORN – YA Sci-Fi (With pregnant dudes? What!?)‏
 
Yeah, well, I recovered from that moment of lunacy.
 
Sometimes, writers don’t feel like they’re taking a chance; it just happens. An example of this is querying agents who may/may not rep the genre the writer is submitting. I thoroughly research each agent before querying: agency sites, interviews, twitter, random internet searches, client lists. No matter how in-depth this fact-finding mission, it is often hard to discern exactly what an agent is looking for. Some have a very quiet e-presence, while others throw themselves out there loud and proud.
 
When in doubt, I send the query out.
 
Much love to the agents who spell out their wants/likes/dislikes in crystal clear terms. Unfortunately for the slew of querying writers, there are plenty of agent profiles which merely provide the wide-open, vague “YA/MG” market with no specific genres noted. With these agents, I will take a chance and send a query anyway.
 
***Note to agents with vague ‘What I’m Interested In’ declarations: Want to cut the number of ‘Not Right For Me Queries’? Give us details of what IS right for you.***
 
Both you and your interns will thank me for it.
 
One of my best rejection letters came from an agent who simply listed the “YA/MG” market. This rejection is inserted below. With the Dear John opening address, it starts off sounding like my girl back home is breaking up with me while I’m crawling around in muddy, wartime trenches. After that, there are amazing statements every writer likes to hear. But then it hits–the dreaded asshole-of-a-word–however.
 
Dear John,
 
Thank you for your query. I thought this was a really creepy, interesting concept and that you executed it very well. The writing was super compelling and the pace was great. However, I’m afraid that I don’t do all that much with Sci-Fi, as I’m not a big sci-fi reader and don’t feel I know the market well enough. I wish you all the best and encourage you to submit your query to other agencies. Thank you for thinking of me!
 
Best,
Agent with Vague Profile
 
Let’s recap the key terms and play-by-play reactions:
– “really creepy, interesting concept” – [Yay! It’s not a form letter! Perfect compliment. That’s my brand.]
– “you executed it very well” – [:: Heart flutter :: We’re off to a great start here.]
– “writing was super compelling” – [Wow! This is going really well! This agent ‘gets it’. :: heart rate increases ::]
– “the pace was great” – [I agree. And thank you. I worked hard to make sure of it. Where is this email leading…? :: heart skips a beat ::]
– “However” – [F#^k!!! :: heart shrivels and dies ::]
 
After the however, my eyes glazed over. My blood pressure rose. My finger instinctually slid over the mousepad and selected the “Move To: Rejections” icon. Fantastic. Agent read at least part of my sample chapter, liked it, but rejected it.
 
I double-checked the agency website and online info for the agent. Yep. Just as I suspected. Vague market with no genres listed. Don’t get me wrong. I am very appreciative of the customized letter and feedback. I understand that the effort was a gift and took time for the agent to compose. The agent could have simply form-rejected Freeborn since my submission was not in a genre s/he represents. However…
 
 

Two More Publisher Requests

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So many creative possibilities to draw from for a post today. It’s funny though. When a health concern pops up, everything else turns into scatter noise on the radar. Yes, I’m nervous about something. Yes, I am being intentionally vague. This is a public blog, not a private journal.

Now that I have gotten that out of my system…

I have two new full requests for Freeborn to announce!
– Jo Fletcher books upgraded from 3 chapters to a Full
– Entangled Publishing requested a full via Brenda Drake’s ‘Entangle an Editor’ contest

That’s as much excitement as I can muster at the moment. Stay tuned, though. I’ll be back on track soon enough.

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I gleaned a ton of blogging folder while disconnected from the virtual world for more than an agonizing week. Upcoming posts will hit on slave boys in leather shorts, haunted hotels and slot machine jackpots.

In the meantime, let me plug an amazing bare-knuckle brawl of words going on over at Cruising Altitude 2.0. The concept is based on the immaculate movie Fight Club and pits anonymous flash fiction pieces of 500 words or less against one another. You can submit at any point over the next 12 weeks. Check it out.

So, I’m taking care of the 1st RULE: You MUST talk about WRiTE CLUB.

Now, to tease you with the thought that I have entered a kick-ass piece, but dangle the bar of soap just out of reach by adhering to the 2nd RULE:
You DO NOT talk about WRiTE CLUB – Once the competition begins you are not allowed to solicit votes.  All of the writing entries are anonymous, and we want it to stay that way.

My pen name for the contest springs from the concept used in the FF piece. That alias echoes the immortal words of Tyler Durden:

Hey, you created me. I didn’t create some loser alter-ego to make myself feel better. Take some responsibility!

I can say no more.

Shirt ripped off, sweat glistening, under-skin anger brewing. Fight!

A Full Request? For THAT one?

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Drive-by post today.

I am currently querying Freeborn with a good number of requests rolling in. Capritare: Discovery had been put to bed back in late winter / early spring. But, yesterday, I received a full request for the little guy. I roused him, helped him get dressed, then sent him off on his unexpected journey.

Hopefully, he’ll send a postcard with good news.

Bad Writing Tips Immortalization Project – #BadWritingTips

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This is a random pic of a Barn Owl. It has nothing to do with the actual post. I have been sitting on it for a while, and decided today is the day to use it.

I suppose tweets are meant to be temporal. Apparently, I am adverse to letting that happen. I’m not the only one. After a world-trending day of #badwritingtips, many writers & authors have salvaged their witty remarks from the wastelands. I am one of these determined bloggers working on the [unofficial] #BadWritingTips Immortalization Project.

Here are the others on the growing list:

@IbecameMyDad – http://ivebecomemyparents.com/2012/06/25/barmys-bountiful-bag-of-bad-advice-for-writers/
@nimbuschick – http://www.amyleighstrickland.com/2012/06/the-best-of-badwritingtips/
@BenMyers1 –  http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/booksblog/2012/jun/25/twitter-bad-writing-tips-improved-writing?CMP=twt_fd
@saphirablue84 – http://thiswritersworldplotbunnies.blogspot.com/2012/06/i-tried-to-find-something-with-bad.html
@BookRiot – http://bookriot.com/2012/06/25/the-best-badwritingtips/

If you know of more, please post a link and Twitter handle in the Comments. I will be sure to add them to the list.

My #badwritingtips are immortalized below. If you are a writer, you may enjoy these. If you are a bad writer, you will most likely hate them. Fix it.

Let’s kick things off with an homage Tweet to the originators of the idea. Then, we’ll roll gently into the @gypsyroots version of sarcasm.
 

1)      All hail the almighty @MeganWhitmer & @andimjulie. Goddesses of the #badwritingtips hashtag phenomenon.

2)      Every chance you get, use a big-ass word: e.g. Bunyanesque, fecundity, preposterousness #badwritingtips

3)      Short sentences. Pop. Staccato lines good. Fragments rock. All the time. All the way through. Keep em short. It is good. #badwritingtips

4)      Your first 3 chapters should be 100% backstory. No action. No dialogue. Readers love that. #badwritingtips

5)      Kill your MC halfway through the novel. Once you establish a new one. Kill her, too. #badwritingtips

6)      Run-on sentences and wordy paragraphs show readers you can hold long thoughts in your head so they should learn how to do it #badwritingtips

7)      Similes and metaphors should be so convoluted that your reader has no idea what you were actually trying to convey. #badwritingtips

8)      Put your climax in the 2nd chapter, then let the final 48 chapters slowly f a d e a w a y . . . #badwritingtips

9)      Each and every amazingly lovely noun & deliciously simple verb should have a minimum of 2 modifiers. To make them sparkle. #badwritingtips

10)   Every word has at least one synonym. USE ALL THE SYNONYMS. #badwritingtips

11)   Writers know best. Especially new ones. Editors and agents are stupid. #badwritingtips

12)   There are no original ideas. Regurgitate what has already been written. #badwritingtips

13)   Your surreal poetry is highly marketable. #badwritingtips

14)   Long-winded titles are best. It works in the music industry. http://www.listal.com/list/ridiculously-long-song-titles #badwritingtips

15)   Subplots are like seeds. Plant 10x more than you actually need. If they spring up, good. If not, don’t dig them back up. #badwritingtips

16)   All your characters should possess the same personality. This makes it easier for readers to keep up. #badwritingtips

17)   Three-dimensional characters are for movies. In novels, they should be as flat as the page they’re written on. #badwritingtips

18)   Uber-Niche markets are the key for non-fiction. “Holistic Skin Care for Manx Cats” will definitely hit the bestseller list. #badwritingtips

19)   Chapters of 10k words or greater are highly desirable. #badwritingtips

20)   Agents prefer phone calls over email submissions. Never relent. Keep trying until you get through. #badwritingtips

21)   All agencies really prefer snail-mail queries. Their guidelines lie. Perfume, stickers & glitter are all highly recommended. #badwritingtips

22)   Chapter breaks should end with a whimper, not a bang. #badwritingtips

23)   Absolutely! Include your 1960’s band and movie references. Your YA readers won’t get it, but who cares? #badwritingtips

24)   Continuity of storyline is overrated. Mix it up. Non-linear is good. Confusion is great. Keep it up. #badwritingtips

25)   Semi-colons and exclamation marks change things up; use them often! #badwritingtips

26)   Commas are like confetti. Toss them into the air and let them fall where they will. #badwritingtips

27)   When you get stuck, abruptly end the scene. Then, fast-forward to your character waking up the next morning. #badwritingtips

28)   Invented words will help get your complex points across. Include them on every page. #badwritingtips

I have no doubt that this hashtag will continue to reappear. Kudos to the creators for sparking a new meme—even if it is short-lived and only breathes within our writers-on-Twitter subculture. Hopefully, the positive peer-pressure of the #BadWritingTips Immortalization Project can make a difference.

An Agent’s Clarification on High Concept

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Thanks to the Twitterverse, I now have a better understanding of the publishing term “High Concept”. Agent Michelle Witte of Mansion Street Literary Mgmt was kind enough to stop by the blog, and then engage in a little conversation via Twitter. As with all Twitter communication, we had to condense our discussion into spurts of 140 characters or less.

Consider this post as an addendum to Pub Talk: High Concept, Very Nice Deal and Pre-empt .

Did you note that little red box? Of course there had to be a typo since I was chatting with an agent. Alas, Twitter doesn’t allow second drafts.

Much thanks to Michelle for taking the time to unpack the “High Concept” term for me (and my readers). I have found her to be very open and willing to connect in intelligent conversation about writerly things. 

Speaking of which, Michelle Witte is not only an agent; she is also an author. I totally ganked this from the agency’s website.

In her spare time she writes on a variety of topics and genres, though her great love is young adult fiction. Her first book, The Craptastic Guide to Pseudo-Swearing, will hit stores on June 26, 2012.

Swan in a Ditch! That’s only three days away!

Buy the book
Visit the websites
Buy the fonging book
Follow Michelle on Twitter @michellewitte [that’s 2 “l”s, 2 “t”s, but only 1 “h”]
Did you buy Craptastic yet?

I could be wrong, but that sounds like a High Concept title to me.

There are a few lit agents I DM with on Twitter from time to time. Being an aspiring author, it is great to have contacts I can hit up with my questions and curiosities. Unless they bring it up, the conversations are never about my own writing. We discuss the industry in general. Well, that, and random crap that has nothing to do with anything other than two people chatting. I like that. 

Pub Talk: High-Concept, Very Nice Deal and Pre-empt

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Come on in. Sit down and order a drink. There you go. Slam back that margarita, baby! It’s time for us to talk about some stuff we’ve been avoiding.

A list of seemingly important–yet undefined–terms has been slowly scribbling itself in my head. Maybe I’m just daft, and everyone but me knows what they mean. I keep seeing these words tossed around in various places, but they’re like gibberish. Correction: they were like gibberish. Now, they’re more like freshly learned cusswords in a foreign language.

Finally, the clinking of these mysterious phrases and words rose to a crescendo. Their insistent clanging and clashing moved me to do a little e-search to connect an understanding to their syllables. So, if you have ever wondered what the hell they mean, order another round, (you lush) and sip while you read.

“High Concept”

I have come across interviews and agents’ want-lists where this term is used as though everyone should know what it means. It had me scratching my head. Like, does it mean the underlying premise of a story is fathoms deep & riddled with emotional and/or psychological complexity? Apparently, no. The term comes from the much shallower seas of movies and screenplays.

The most prevalent definition is this: The book can be sold by the title or tagline alone.

These elements speak for themselves and make folks want to buy into the idea.

In rebuttal to this definition, one blogger argued that, actually, this aspect makes the book sound more “low concept” since the meat of it can be summed up in so few words. In fact, he complained, aren’t all books “high concept” since they can all be condensed into a tagline? He sounded bitter. 

“Very Nice Deal”

I kept seeing odd terms like this on the sale announcements over at Publishers Marketplace. “So-and-so sold Awesome Book to Amazing Publisher in a very nice deal.” Some deals are just “nice”. Some are “good”. What’s the damn difference? There HAS to be one, right? Yep. There is. Here’s ‘The Key’. [Honest, I didn’t make this crap up.]

“nice deal” $1 – $49,000

“very nice deal” $50,000 – $99,000

“good deal” $100,000 – $250,000

“significant deal” $251,000 – $499,000

“major deal” $500,000 and up

Now, you too can be in-the-know and translate the  m.y.s.t.e.r.i.o.u.s.  phrasing. You’d think an institution in the writing industry could have come up with more descriptive terminology. Who am I to judge? As long as I end up in one of the listings, they can call it whatever the hell they want. Although, I do have my [dreaming] eye on a “good deal” or better.

“Pre-empt”

More PM confusion. “Sold such-and-such to whats-his-name in a pre-empt.” As in…? What is this trying to tell me? The book was bought before war broke out? The editor struck first before the agent could attack her? Kinda.

Apparently, manuscripts can go to auction. (I’ve e-searched this concept a bit, but don’t have all my questions answered yet.) Editors/Publishers throw out a number of what they are willing to pay. They also include other incentives such as foreign rights clauses [or something?] and bonuses based on the book selling X number of copies in the first year, or for it hitting the bestsellers’ list, etc.

The Agent serves as the auctioneer, accepting offers, and passing them on to the author. Together, they decide which publisher and offer is the best fit. That decision is not solely based on who throws out the highest dollar amount, but also takes into account the marketing plan, rights retention, bonuses and other intricacies.

A pre-empt is a pre-auction offer from a publisher. Its purpose is to keep the book from going to auction where that publisher might lose out in a bidding war. Not all pre-empts are accepted. It depends on whether or not the agent/author team feel they can snag something better.

Wow! You drank 6 margaritas already? But we only discussed three little terms. No, no. Put your money away. I invited you here. I’ll pick up the tab.

I am quite open to further explanation and correction if my understanding of any of this is wonky. Authors, agents, editors: feel free to fix my errors.

If I’m wrong, I’ll blame it on the booze. If, however, I am right–and especially if I land a major deal–I will be dead chuffed! <—That’s another term I e-searched this week. I’m not giving that one to you in a salt-rimmed glass, though. You’ll have to look it up yourself.

A Little Escape

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Yeah, I usually avoid these pics like the plague

It feels weird not having a work-in-progress. With the writing, editing, re-editing, and re-re-editing of Freeborn complete, I have been keeping myself otherwise busy. It is easy to get sucked into the vortex of the writing world. I have let my body go limp, and am swirling around in its lovely, spinning whirlpool.

A major undertaking has been organizing & planning all the things for an online group of writers. An amazing pop-up community has sprouted from the initial connection four of us made during a Twitter Pitch contest. We now have a Facebook group dedicated to critiquing pitches & the first 10 manuscript pages, finding beta readers & critique partners, and basking in the random creative frivolity writers tend to get into. 

We go by the name of TwitWits. Our musings & ramblings can be found on Twitter under the #TwitWits hashtag. Although we have no official mantra or mission statement, here are a few tweets regarding what we are about:

#Twitwits is a magical land of grassrooty goodness. Aspiring authors helping aspiring authors.

The pimp cane says: #TwitWits is a loverly support group for up-and-coming authors who are oddly beautiful. If you love quirk… 

We have some amazingly ridiculous things in the works. Stay tuned to see where this grassroots effort leads.

I am currently coming off a binge. A targeted agent querying blitz over the last week has generated more stats I can post:

Queries sent: 28
Responses received: 4
Response outcome: 2 rejections & 2 partial requests
Awaiting response: 24

[These ^numbers do not include the contest entries which resulted in 2 full and 2 partial requests]

The third task keeping me entertained has been catching up on my Kindle & followed-blog reading. When I’m in the throes of writing, I tend to avoid reading others’ work. It’s not that I’m scared I’ll plagiarise or anything like that. I simply have too many ideas already floating, congealing, and forming nebulae in my head to add more words to the mix. It feels good to enjoy the words of others for a change, as opposed to salivating over the phenomenal concepts thickening inside my own head.

Yes, I have the seeds of two more manuscripts germinating. I scribble down ideas as they form, but I am allowing the process to flow organically. I won’t decide on which one to tackle next  until I see which concept fleshes itself out more fully. In the meantime, TwitWits, querying, and my beloved reading are keeping me quite occupied.

Update: Another Request!

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Here are the *new* current stats for contest entries, requests, and queries. [Accurate as of 4:00pm]

Contests –  Entered: 6     Outstanding: 1      Wins: 3               Losses: 2 [I can tie it up!]
Requests – Submitted: 6   Outstanding: 6
Queries –    Submitted: 3   Outstanding: 2   Requests: 1      Rejections: 0