Bad Writing Tips Immortalization Project – #BadWritingTips

This is a random pic of a Barn Owl. It has nothing to do with the actual post. I have been sitting on it for a while, and decided today is the day to use it.

I suppose tweets are meant to be temporal. Apparently, I am adverse to letting that happen. I’m not the only one. After a world-trending day of #badwritingtips, many writers & authors have salvaged their witty remarks from the wastelands. I am one of these determined bloggers working on the [unofficial] #BadWritingTips Immortalization Project.

Here are the others on the growing list:

@IbecameMyDad –
@nimbuschick –
@BenMyers1 –
@saphirablue84 –
@BookRiot –

If you know of more, please post a link and Twitter handle in the Comments. I will be sure to add them to the list.

My #badwritingtips are immortalized below. If you are a writer, you may enjoy these. If you are a bad writer, you will most likely hate them. Fix it.

Let’s kick things off with an homage Tweet to the originators of the idea. Then, we’ll roll gently into the @gypsyroots version of sarcasm.

1)      All hail the almighty @MeganWhitmer & @andimjulie. Goddesses of the #badwritingtips hashtag phenomenon.

2)      Every chance you get, use a big-ass word: e.g. Bunyanesque, fecundity, preposterousness #badwritingtips

3)      Short sentences. Pop. Staccato lines good. Fragments rock. All the time. All the way through. Keep em short. It is good. #badwritingtips

4)      Your first 3 chapters should be 100% backstory. No action. No dialogue. Readers love that. #badwritingtips

5)      Kill your MC halfway through the novel. Once you establish a new one. Kill her, too. #badwritingtips

6)      Run-on sentences and wordy paragraphs show readers you can hold long thoughts in your head so they should learn how to do it #badwritingtips

7)      Similes and metaphors should be so convoluted that your reader has no idea what you were actually trying to convey. #badwritingtips

8)      Put your climax in the 2nd chapter, then let the final 48 chapters slowly f a d e a w a y . . . #badwritingtips

9)      Each and every amazingly lovely noun & deliciously simple verb should have a minimum of 2 modifiers. To make them sparkle. #badwritingtips

10)   Every word has at least one synonym. USE ALL THE SYNONYMS. #badwritingtips

11)   Writers know best. Especially new ones. Editors and agents are stupid. #badwritingtips

12)   There are no original ideas. Regurgitate what has already been written. #badwritingtips

13)   Your surreal poetry is highly marketable. #badwritingtips

14)   Long-winded titles are best. It works in the music industry. #badwritingtips

15)   Subplots are like seeds. Plant 10x more than you actually need. If they spring up, good. If not, don’t dig them back up. #badwritingtips

16)   All your characters should possess the same personality. This makes it easier for readers to keep up. #badwritingtips

17)   Three-dimensional characters are for movies. In novels, they should be as flat as the page they’re written on. #badwritingtips

18)   Uber-Niche markets are the key for non-fiction. “Holistic Skin Care for Manx Cats” will definitely hit the bestseller list. #badwritingtips

19)   Chapters of 10k words or greater are highly desirable. #badwritingtips

20)   Agents prefer phone calls over email submissions. Never relent. Keep trying until you get through. #badwritingtips

21)   All agencies really prefer snail-mail queries. Their guidelines lie. Perfume, stickers & glitter are all highly recommended. #badwritingtips

22)   Chapter breaks should end with a whimper, not a bang. #badwritingtips

23)   Absolutely! Include your 1960’s band and movie references. Your YA readers won’t get it, but who cares? #badwritingtips

24)   Continuity of storyline is overrated. Mix it up. Non-linear is good. Confusion is great. Keep it up. #badwritingtips

25)   Semi-colons and exclamation marks change things up; use them often! #badwritingtips

26)   Commas are like confetti. Toss them into the air and let them fall where they will. #badwritingtips

27)   When you get stuck, abruptly end the scene. Then, fast-forward to your character waking up the next morning. #badwritingtips

28)   Invented words will help get your complex points across. Include them on every page. #badwritingtips

I have no doubt that this hashtag will continue to reappear. Kudos to the creators for sparking a new meme—even if it is short-lived and only breathes within our writers-on-Twitter subculture. Hopefully, the positive peer-pressure of the #BadWritingTips Immortalization Project can make a difference.

A Little Escape

Yeah, I usually avoid these pics like the plague

It feels weird not having a work-in-progress. With the writing, editing, re-editing, and re-re-editing of Freeborn complete, I have been keeping myself otherwise busy. It is easy to get sucked into the vortex of the writing world. I have let my body go limp, and am swirling around in its lovely, spinning whirlpool.

A major undertaking has been organizing & planning all the things for an online group of writers. An amazing pop-up community has sprouted from the initial connection four of us made during a Twitter Pitch contest. We now have a Facebook group dedicated to critiquing pitches & the first 10 manuscript pages, finding beta readers & critique partners, and basking in the random creative frivolity writers tend to get into. 

We go by the name of TwitWits. Our musings & ramblings can be found on Twitter under the #TwitWits hashtag. Although we have no official mantra or mission statement, here are a few tweets regarding what we are about:

#Twitwits is a magical land of grassrooty goodness. Aspiring authors helping aspiring authors.

The pimp cane says: #TwitWits is a loverly support group for up-and-coming authors who are oddly beautiful. If you love quirk… 

We have some amazingly ridiculous things in the works. Stay tuned to see where this grassroots effort leads.

I am currently coming off a binge. A targeted agent querying blitz over the last week has generated more stats I can post:

Queries sent: 28
Responses received: 4
Response outcome: 2 rejections & 2 partial requests
Awaiting response: 24

[These ^numbers do not include the contest entries which resulted in 2 full and 2 partial requests]

The third task keeping me entertained has been catching up on my Kindle & followed-blog reading. When I’m in the throes of writing, I tend to avoid reading others’ work. It’s not that I’m scared I’ll plagiarise or anything like that. I simply have too many ideas already floating, congealing, and forming nebulae in my head to add more words to the mix. It feels good to enjoy the words of others for a change, as opposed to salivating over the phenomenal concepts thickening inside my own head.

Yes, I have the seeds of two more manuscripts germinating. I scribble down ideas as they form, but I am allowing the process to flow organically. I won’t decide on which one to tackle next  until I see which concept fleshes itself out more fully. In the meantime, TwitWits, querying, and my beloved reading are keeping me quite occupied.