I suppose tweets are meant to be temporal. Apparently, I am adverse to letting that happen. I’m not the only one. After a world-trending day of #badwritingtips, many writers & authors have salvaged their witty remarks from the wastelands. I am one of these determined bloggers working on the [unofficial] #BadWritingTips Immortalization Project.
Here are the others on the growing list:
@IbecameMyDad – http://ivebecomemyparents.com/2012/06/25/barmys-bountiful-bag-of-bad-advice-for-writers/
@nimbuschick – http://www.amyleighstrickland.com/2012/06/the-best-of-badwritingtips/
@BenMyers1 – http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/booksblog/2012/jun/25/twitter-bad-writing-tips-improved-writing?CMP=twt_fd
@saphirablue84 – http://thiswritersworldplotbunnies.blogspot.com/2012/06/i-tried-to-find-something-with-bad.html
@BookRiot – http://bookriot.com/2012/06/25/the-best-badwritingtips/
If you know of more, please post a link and Twitter handle in the Comments. I will be sure to add them to the list.
My #badwritingtips are immortalized below. If you are a writer, you may enjoy these. If you are a bad writer, you will most likely hate them. Fix it.
Let’s kick things off with an homage Tweet to the originators of the idea. Then, we’ll roll gently into the @gypsyroots version of sarcasm.
1) All hail the almighty @MeganWhitmer & @andimjulie. Goddesses of the #badwritingtips hashtag phenomenon.
2) Every chance you get, use a big-ass word: e.g. Bunyanesque, fecundity, preposterousness #badwritingtips
3) Short sentences. Pop. Staccato lines good. Fragments rock. All the time. All the way through. Keep em short. It is good. #badwritingtips
4) Your first 3 chapters should be 100% backstory. No action. No dialogue. Readers love that. #badwritingtips
5) Kill your MC halfway through the novel. Once you establish a new one. Kill her, too. #badwritingtips
6) Run-on sentences and wordy paragraphs show readers you can hold long thoughts in your head so they should learn how to do it #badwritingtips
7) Similes and metaphors should be so convoluted that your reader has no idea what you were actually trying to convey. #badwritingtips
8) Put your climax in the 2nd chapter, then let the final 48 chapters slowly f a d e a w a y . . . #badwritingtips
9) Each and every amazingly lovely noun & deliciously simple verb should have a minimum of 2 modifiers. To make them sparkle. #badwritingtips
10) Every word has at least one synonym. USE ALL THE SYNONYMS. #badwritingtips
11) Writers know best. Especially new ones. Editors and agents are stupid. #badwritingtips
12) There are no original ideas. Regurgitate what has already been written. #badwritingtips
13) Your surreal poetry is highly marketable. #badwritingtips
14) Long-winded titles are best. It works in the music industry. http://www.listal.com/list/ridiculously-long-song-titles #badwritingtips
15) Subplots are like seeds. Plant 10x more than you actually need. If they spring up, good. If not, don’t dig them back up. #badwritingtips
16) All your characters should possess the same personality. This makes it easier for readers to keep up. #badwritingtips
17) Three-dimensional characters are for movies. In novels, they should be as flat as the page they’re written on. #badwritingtips
18) Uber-Niche markets are the key for non-fiction. “Holistic Skin Care for Manx Cats” will definitely hit the bestseller list. #badwritingtips
19) Chapters of 10k words or greater are highly desirable. #badwritingtips
20) Agents prefer phone calls over email submissions. Never relent. Keep trying until you get through. #badwritingtips
21) All agencies really prefer snail-mail queries. Their guidelines lie. Perfume, stickers & glitter are all highly recommended. #badwritingtips
22) Chapter breaks should end with a whimper, not a bang. #badwritingtips
23) Absolutely! Include your 1960’s band and movie references. Your YA readers won’t get it, but who cares? #badwritingtips
24) Continuity of storyline is overrated. Mix it up. Non-linear is good. Confusion is great. Keep it up. #badwritingtips
25) Semi-colons and exclamation marks change things up; use them often! #badwritingtips
26) Commas are like confetti. Toss them into the air and let them fall where they will. #badwritingtips
27) When you get stuck, abruptly end the scene. Then, fast-forward to your character waking up the next morning. #badwritingtips
28) Invented words will help get your complex points across. Include them on every page. #badwritingtips
I have no doubt that this hashtag will continue to reappear. Kudos to the creators for sparking a new meme—even if it is short-lived and only breathes within our writers-on-Twitter subculture. Hopefully, the positive peer-pressure of the #BadWritingTips Immortalization Project can make a difference.
It was a group effort. Sarcastic writers spurring one another on. 😉
I don’t know where to start; you’ve got a lot of great ones here. Thanks for collecting those links. So much for me getting anything else done today!
@MeganWhitmer was a huge help in reconstructing the blog list. [I’m sure there are more out there.]
TweetDeck made the wrangling of my Tweets a breeze.
I bow down to your wit! Thanks for the shout!
You are quite welcome, goddess.
There’s something I dream about every night of my life – “your surreal poetry is highly marketable.” – still it never has come true. Here’s a sample:
Who wrote that letter in the cafeteria
a boy who’s body was as fragile as a candle stick
his imagination – the fire
Rows of pens in neon colours
laying like the bound logs of a raft
besides a plate cut in thirds by plastic divisions
gold rimmed but wrinkled was his paper
Eyes squinting through the blurred intentions that became desires
the ink settled into definable curves
and by the same struggle with which his spoon cut across
that tight lump of mash potato
words became sentences – fulfilled vibrations tickling his nerves
Now his reading glasses polished with sweat
protecting his genius from the world
fell into a nervous angle with a rub of the bottom ear
tongue parched for too long a silence – a gulp of sparkling water will do
and passed from one hand to another
some with bravely painted nails
others with scarred palms
It found warmth between two books and a magazine
a lip balm and an MP3
the sticker pasted inner walls of her locker
where tabloid articles mated words of science
And nameless was the envelope
I loved these! My fav was every chance use a big-ass word. This post was great. Your new friend from the Follow Party, following by RSS.
Glad you enjoyed the #BadWritingTips.
Thx for subscribing!
Brilliant! Here’s another:
When your series becomes popular, hire a bad ghostwriter. It will make it look like your characters are developing.
Too funny Will! 🙂
ATTENTION: I’ve got another one – Use your protagonist’s name in the fourth chapter – for the first time, #badwritingtips
Awww…did you do the crossover from Blogger? What a doll!
I read that you’ve got more followers here and thought that maybe they could benefit from my sarcasm. lol
I’m glad you made the move!
The more snark, the merrier.